well... I suck

[spankerella]

Well, I just got the reformat and first editing suggestions on "In Shadowside" back. I feel like shit now. I think I'll go curl up somewhere and cry for a little while. I know I shouldn't take it so personally, but... who the hell did I ever think I was that I could do this? I know I don't suck. The person even said I don't suck, but I feel like I suck as writer right now. There are so many things that need to be "changed". Most of it I agree with. But a few things made me upset. Obviously. I so should not have read a serious critique of the closest work to me first thing when I woke up.

I really do need to excuse myself to go cry about it now. Sorry for being such a big baby.

eta: I know I'm being ridiculous. Utterly ridiculous. I can take my lumps. I'm not looking for an ego soothe here. I just picked the wrong time to try to take my lumps, is all. I get upset about things... and a lot of the upset has to do with uncertainty in other aspects of my life. Then the one thing I thought I could count on... I doubt that now. I'm not a fortress. I'll buck up and do what needs to be done though. Just not today. It's just hard not to doubt yourself when you read a whole long email about how wrong you've been doing things.

*

Comments

[eska-rina.livejournal.com]

Now, listen, you don't suck just because one of your stories got a lot of "editing suggestions". Of course it’s always sad to see all the red marks, especially if it is a story you love, but it is only done as a help to you. If you don’t want to change anything, then don’t. If you want to use the help - If there’s places you agree, then change it. If there’s places you disagree, then don’t. It’s only suggestions, and they’re only mentioned as a help ;)

Hope you’ll feel better soon.

[lunykimberly.livejournal.com]

echo you do *NOT* "suck". If you did you wouldn't have hordes of devoted minions willing and ready at a moment's notice to flame the hell out of twerps for plagiarizing you... and you wouldn't have twits crawling out of the woodwork stealing your work and claiming it as their own in the first place. You are an awesome writer and it carries over in every piece of work you create.

These editing suggestions you just got back for "In Shadowside"? Are exactly that. *Suggestions.* If you agree with them, use them. If you don't agree with them, don't and to hell with people if they can't accept your work as you want it to be. There are other publishers out there and other ways of getting your work out there. Worst case scenario, you go to someone else who can appreciate your vision. You have to keep true to yourself, no one else. You write your fanfics as you see them in your mind, sometimes taking ideas and suggestions from people you trust and sometimes not. You've got to take the same approach to your original work. If the suggestions go along with what you see and will help improve what you see, use them. If they go against what you see, don't use them. There are too many cookie-cutter writers out there now, you don't need to join their ranks. Unfortunately that will mean getting criticism now and then - but how many of the great writers out there *didn't* get criticized during their own time?

Let yourself have a good cry, give yourself a little "distance" from the story and the editing suggestions, go indulge in some comfort foods, read all your replies from your supporters to help boost your ego , and when you think you're ready - start slowly tackling the editing suggestions to one of your babies.

Stay true to yourself and your vision, to hell with everyone else who can't see it.

[shy-loudmouth.livejournal.com]

Hey, I've read part of "In Shadowside" (didn't get to finish it before you took it down, though... :-/), and I think it's great. When I first heard you were getting it published I started looking for it every time I went to a bookstore (clearly I have no concept of how long it takes to get novels published). As soon as I can, though, I'm absolutely going to buy it!

So don't get down on yourself because of some editing suggestions...'cause they can only make you better (and you're already great...or at least there's very many people who think so). Feel free to have yourself I good cry (I probably would, too), but know that you've got a whole lot of people who love your work already and idolize you because of it.

I know I for one have never been one to take criticism well (even the constructive kind), so I can totally understand where you're coming from. Seriously, someone left a review to my fic the other day telling me that Snape seemed a tiny bit out of character because of one line he said, and my stomach just plummeted and I felt rather crappy for a while. I know that people criticize in order to help you, and I'm even one who asks for constructive criticism. But when someone gives it to you...it hurts. Even if it's just about a stupid little thing (as it was in my case). That said, you have every right to feel bad (being in the situation you're in), but in another way you don't (because you're such a good author that you shouldn't be questioning your writing abilities).

Good luck and feel better!

Meanwhile, I'll try to cut back on my parentheses abuse...

[(Anonymous)]

I can only imagine how rough it is to have someone pick over your "baby" and tell you you've done it all wrong. I've not even gotten that far in the process. But I can imagine.

We write with so much of our souls - to have someone tell you it all needs changing - it's like having them tell you *you* need to change.

But the trush is, you don't need changing. My god, there are so many books out there in the world. I've read wonderful ones, and I've read crap ones. And you, my dear, are SO much better than the crap ones that I wonder how those pieces of tripe ever got published before you...

I know you said you didn't need any ego-stroking over this, but you do, in a way. Remember that they would never have brought you this far if they didn't see the potential in your work.

Go have a drink, maybe two. Wallow for a night. Eat something gooey or fattening or just bad for you. Then get up fresh and sit down and look at their suggestions. Take a salt shaker with you - cause I imagine more than a bit of it will take a grain of salt to swallow. Then see what suggestions you can use and which you can't without losing your own personal "flavor" in the work.

And if all else fails, we can start a running tally of who plans to buy Shadowside when it's published. Maybe some preliminary sales numbers will sway them to keep the "you" in the story.

And to paraphrase you, "we breathe to write" - it's not about selling books. It would be fantastic if we all could! It's a potential outcome, but it's not the sole purpose of what we all do.


Gem

[cissasghost.livejournal.com]

That's the thing that I find scariest about the prospect of trying to get published - not outright rejection, but having to change things. I'm curious, and maybe you can tell me - are you required to follow all their suggestions? If they want you to change X, and you like it as it is, is that negotiable?

-Sonya

[silverflamemuse.livejournal.com]

Lady E, you so do not suck. I may not be the best spirits boosting-person, but when I read this... the only thing I can say is that, even though they've told you to change things and for the bits you agree with, I guess that's OK even though it hurts, but the things you don't want to change? You could try to negotiate it, couldn't you?

And you're not being ridiculous. It's hard to have your most precious piece be picked and to be told that all these things need to be changed. I know it would be so hard for me to do anything about it for a week at least.

I wish I could help you more, but I really can't. But I'm behind you Lady E, all the way.

-Jez

[lizey.livejournal.com]

You've got many strengths as a writer, but as with many talented writers, a good editor will often be able to smoosh your work. This is still all about the writing. This is also about the getting-published, which is of course one of the goals of the writing. But ...ack. Trying not to say 'remember'. Feel extremely patronising, especially given my own reaction to getting the critique of a draft last week. Ow. Plus I'm sure this is mostly stuff you know.

But this is your love thing (hate being probably just as applicable at times). Taking lumps hurts, but it's still writing and you'll come out a better writer with a better novel. And if you get to a point where it looks like you won't, you can back off, although - from my very distant vantage point - that seems unlikely right now. When you're wondering if you're cut out for this, remember that they read In Shadowside and wanted to publish it. And In Shadowside was no fluke.

[lady-sylver.livejournal.com]

I haven't even heard of In Shadowside, but I know you're a very talented author. Beyond that, I haven't got much else to say.

*hugs you* You seem to need one of those.

Don't doubt your ift. I only wish I could write half as well as you do. It's been a dream of mine to be a recognised, published author my entire life, and I try, but YOU are the kind of author that real epics come from.

Keep on keeping on, hon. You'll be alright. And when your book hits the shelves, I'm buying it.

No you don't.

[bitteliten.livejournal.com]

I worked as an editor on 2 books last year.

Your reaction is natural. Is the normal reaction for writers, whether it's their first time getting a book published, or the 10th. And it's a tough process.

In my (very short) experience, the process is most difficult if the book is 'finished' by the time the editor reads it. It's easier if the editor is pulled into the process at an early stage. Most first timers don't get a choice in this.

And please let me add: You don't suck in my opinion. Far from it. You are, along with Davesmom, my favourite fanfic-writer. Your work reflects a productive and skilled craftswoman, with a creative mind, creative powers a great eye for details and a knack for plot design. You are special, a rarity among fanfiction writers, as far as I'm concerned.

Remember that (in addition to language, grammar, flow, wholeness, plot, character consitency etc.) keeping politics, market orientation and target groups in mind is a big part of the editing job. You know this. Sorry. Not my intention to appear educating.

My points are:
1. You are good.
2. Good enough to take what they say and make it even better.
3. If anyone is to succeed as a fulltime writer in here, it's you.
4. Keep up the good work.

Best wishes from Norway.

[rosefyre.livejournal.com]

*sends chocolate and hugs*

Personally? I think you're a great writer. And while I can't say I've been in your situation, I can say that getting back anything that you thought was really good and seeing that lots of changes need to be made, even if they're small changes, is...not fun.

You can do this, and remember, if you ever need anything, you'll always have us.

[howitzer.livejournal.com]

Whoa. Change things? You know me well enough to know that I am wondering what "things" need to be "changed". I'll hold out for the surprise though. (look at me with the patience!:)

Seriously though, I have faith in you. Tons of it. I know that you will do whatever it take to make this dream come true. And I'm sure the results will be amazing.