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the devil made me do it
Jan. 30th, 2005 06:31 pmMy mother threw a bit of a temper tantrum tonight. Bad night. BAD. Sundays are always bad. It's like the side effects of the chemo cocktails she takes hits her on Sunday afternoons. She was mean today. Meaner than she's been in a long time. I try not to take it personal, but I happen to know how badly my life is screwed up. I don't need her reminding me what a fucking loser I am right now. I made bad choices in my late teens and early twenties. Some I will be paying for for the rest of my life. I'm a smart girl. I know this. I don't need a screeching reminder. I am just about to pack my shit up and move in with my Grandma.
Ever entertained the idea of walking away from your life and starting over? A new life. Must be nice. Don't anyone get alarmed. I'm just blowing off steam here instead of at her. If I were the giver-upper-type, I'd have killed myself long ago. Not happening. Don't go thinking it. Just a bit of a pity party here. It'll wind down in a bit. I just need to make my toast to 2005 being a bang-up year so far. Cheers!
I am a surviver. I may not always survive well, but I do tend to stick around. I am going to dig myself out of this hole I now find myself in one day, and I'll walk on and never look back. No penny-pinching. No staying sick and feeling miserable because I can't afford the doc and have no insurance. No staying in due to lack of funds. No more eating Ramen noodles three times a day. No working myself into a frenzy when my car breaks down. No more shitty breaking-down-all-the-damn-time car. No more living with other people.
No more.
eta: Temper tantrum # 2. Good times, good times. I hope I get struck by lightening. That's gotta be LESS unpleasant.
eta2: Ahhh, sweet therapy. I love the AMC channel. They're playing Carrie. It just started. I will be staying up to watch the prom scene. It always fills me with wicked glee when the snotty bitches start dying. I just imagine people from my graduating class in their places. I know. I'm disturbed. It's better me imagining it than actually DOING it though. However, if I had telekenesis... hoo boy. They're be some trouble in Whoville. Plus, Piper Laurie = awesomely creepy.
"And the raven was called sin."
*
Ever entertained the idea of walking away from your life and starting over? A new life. Must be nice. Don't anyone get alarmed. I'm just blowing off steam here instead of at her. If I were the giver-upper-type, I'd have killed myself long ago. Not happening. Don't go thinking it. Just a bit of a pity party here. It'll wind down in a bit. I just need to make my toast to 2005 being a bang-up year so far. Cheers!
I am a surviver. I may not always survive well, but I do tend to stick around. I am going to dig myself out of this hole I now find myself in one day, and I'll walk on and never look back. No penny-pinching. No staying sick and feeling miserable because I can't afford the doc and have no insurance. No staying in due to lack of funds. No more eating Ramen noodles three times a day. No working myself into a frenzy when my car breaks down. No more shitty breaking-down-all-the-damn-time car. No more living with other people.
No more.
eta: Temper tantrum # 2. Good times, good times. I hope I get struck by lightening. That's gotta be LESS unpleasant.
eta2: Ahhh, sweet therapy. I love the AMC channel. They're playing Carrie. It just started. I will be staying up to watch the prom scene. It always fills me with wicked glee when the snotty bitches start dying. I just imagine people from my graduating class in their places. I know. I'm disturbed. It's better me imagining it than actually DOING it though. However, if I had telekenesis... hoo boy. They're be some trouble in Whoville. Plus, Piper Laurie = awesomely creepy.
"And the raven was called sin."
*
