(no subject)

[spankerella]

I took a hot bath with bubbles. Supposed to make me feel better, right? Wrong. I'm waiting for midnight. To start writing the next "great" novel. I just got incredibly sad in the bathtub. I kind of realized something. I've been saying it and thinking it for a while now, but it sort of hit me tonight. Well, because of what day it is. Someone I know that moved away is never coming back. So that portion of my life is really over, and I'm pretty sure I feel shitty about it. I know people get busy and stuff, but not too busy to talk to others, I've noticed. Maybe I should try harder. Maybe I'm just feeling sorry for myself... and I really have little reason to. It's not like this big realization was a shock. It's just something really important is on the verge of happening to me and one of the people I thought would always be there... isn't. And it hurts those feelings some people suspect I don't have. I've been trying to hold on for a while, and now I just feel like an idiot for trying to keep up in a life where I think I'm probably not wanted anymore. *sigh*