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[spankerella]

Mom's in a rehab hospital right now. I won't even go into how shitty my weekend was. Remember when I was bitching about how I didn't think I could do this anymore? Yeah, I didn't know how good I had it then. I'm falling apart now. It's gonna be a spectacular show, ladies and gents. Spectacular. I'm not getting enough food or sleep, and there's little I can do about that. I feel so cut off from the world. It's like my life consists of hospital stuff. Medicines and nutritional charts and physical therapy and insurance and social workers. I am very slowly being driven crazy, and there's nothing for it. I can't change the pattern right now.

I have done more desperate and hopeless weeping in the last two weeks than I have done in the last year. I hate this, and it's breaking me. It's been over three weeks since I have been able to write anything, and I'm going crazy. I could cut out sleep, but I don't think that'd be beneficial at this point. I already look pretty bad from not getting enough sleep. I have also developed the personality of a wet cloth just from being hit with too much in too short a time. People say I am holding up well, but I know different. It's Jerry Maguire just got fired flip out dance time. I'm stealing the fish and Dorothy Boyd and heading for the hills.

Oh that I could just run away for a little bit.

Just so we're clear, I am not expecting anyone to do anything about this. There's nothing to do. I just have to keep on. Can I survive or will this do me in? We'll see.

Comments

[australian-imp.livejournal.com]

*hugs*

[jo_anne_storm]

We can give you lots of virtual hugs... *hug*

[swlangley.livejournal.com]

**HUGS**

[dotty8608.livejournal.com]

*hugs* Praying for you.

[mynuet.livejournal.com]

*hugs*`

[brendanm720.livejournal.com]

[hugs]

I know that what you're going through is the ubersuck, but hang in there.

[kiramarie.livejournal.com]

*hugs* Sending all good and positive thoughts towards you and your mom.

[tiggermehoohoo.livejournal.com]

wish i could be there to give you a great big REAL hug. unfortunately, you'll have to make do with a shitload of virtual ones. hope they help a little.