THINGS THAT HALLMARK CARDS DON'T SAY

[spankerella]

THINGS THAT HALLMARK CARDS DON'T SAY

My tire was thumping.
I thought it was flat
When I looked at the tire...
I noticed your cat.
Sorry!

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Heard your wife left you,
How upset you must be.
But don't fret about it...
She moved in with me.

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Looking back over the years
that we've been together,
I can't help but wonder...
"What the hell was I thinking?"

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Congratulations on your wedding day!
Too bad no one likes your husband.

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How could two people as beautiful as you
Have such an ugly baby?

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I've always wanted to have
someone to hold,
someone to love.
After having met you
I've changed my mind.

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I must admit, you brought Religion into my life.
I never believed in Hell until I met you.

I think this one's my fave.

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As the days go by, I think of how lucky I am...
That you're not here to ruin it for me.

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Congratulations on your promotion.
Before you go...
Would you like to take this knife out of my back?
You'll probably need it again.

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Happy Birthday, Uncle Dad!
(Available only in Tennessee, Kentucky & West
Virginia)

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Happy birthday! You look great for your age.
Almost Lifelike!

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When we were together,
you always said you'd die for me.
Now that we've broken up,
I think it's time you kept your promise.

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We have been friends for a very long time ..
let's say we stop?

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I'm so miserable without you
it's almost like you're here.

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Congratulations on your new bundle of joy.
Did you ever find out who the father was?

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Your friends and I wanted to do
something special for your birthday.
So we're having you put to sleep.

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So your daughter's a hooker,
and it spoiled your day.
Look at the bright side,
it's really good pay.

Comments

ROTFLMAO

[tigereyes320.livejournal.com]

Did they have anymore B-day ones? I could use a few more laughs since it's my birthday.

These definitely made my day.

[empressvesica.livejournal.com]

This is my fav:

Looking back over the years
that we've been together,
I can't help but wonder...
"What the hell was I thinking?"


Though that last one is pretty good too. :D

[lunalovegoddess.livejournal.com]

Love them!

I remember a certain joke that I heard. It was a series of "the Good, the Bad and the Ugly" situations...

My favorite:

The Good:
Your daughter called to say that she has a new job that will pay off her college tuition.
The Bad:
She has become a hooker.
The Ugly:
Your best friend is her best customer.

[sue-bridehead.livejournal.com]

I agree with empressvesica. That one's the funniest, followed by the knife-in-my-back one for a promotion.

P.S. Love the new LJ layout - it's so you! :D

[jedibuttercup]

> Happy Birthday, Uncle Dad! (Available only in Tennessee, Kentucky & West Virginia)

*sporfle* Actually, I'd have bought that one.

True story: my parents had been married for about fifteen years when my dad's dad and my mom's mom both happened to be single at the same time. They'd been friends since before my parents married, so they started seeing each other, and pretty soon voila! My parents were step-siblings. Made for many, many fun jokes around the house for the five years until Granny passed on.