How do I feel? Older.

[spankerella]

Mammasis and the Fam, thank you for the flowers. They're GORGEOUS! Hugs to everyone at tsorriana.

After a horrible night where I barely slept a wink for worrying, I am having a pretty decent day. They're celebrating my birthday at work today, and I have gotten presents. That's always nice. They decorated my work station and I have cool pens to write with today. There was cake. Yes, the diabetic had cake! It was my cake and it had pink icing, so I had me some. And I'm going to have me some more this afternoon.

I am so upset with my mother these days, I don't know what to do. I am seriously considering just taking off for a while. Ever had one of those moments in life when you can actually feel yourself getting closer to your own death? I think she'd addicted to her pain medication and I don't know what to do. She throws temper tantrums. I know she's tired of being unhealthy, but doesn't she realize that what affects her, affects me in some way too? She is not the only one having to deal with this. Yes, she is delaing with it the most, but she acts like I don't have a care in the world. She resents the fact that I can still work. I'd rather be able to sit around more. As it is, I might have to get a second job.

I'm drowning, and for several reasons, I am not looking forward to this weekend. I hope I am wrong, but I don't think I'm going to be. Also, I'm cramping badly which is making me EXTRA cranky. If something goes down the way I think it might, I'm going to have a freak out. With loud cursing and possibly punching and hair-pulling.

I hate my birthday. I think I need to go back to not celebrating it. Something unpleasant usually happens on or around the day.