How do I feel? Older.

[spankerella]

Mammasis and the Fam, thank you for the flowers. They're GORGEOUS! Hugs to everyone at tsorriana.

After a horrible night where I barely slept a wink for worrying, I am having a pretty decent day. They're celebrating my birthday at work today, and I have gotten presents. That's always nice. They decorated my work station and I have cool pens to write with today. There was cake. Yes, the diabetic had cake! It was my cake and it had pink icing, so I had me some. And I'm going to have me some more this afternoon.

I am so upset with my mother these days, I don't know what to do. I am seriously considering just taking off for a while. Ever had one of those moments in life when you can actually feel yourself getting closer to your own death? I think she'd addicted to her pain medication and I don't know what to do. She throws temper tantrums. I know she's tired of being unhealthy, but doesn't she realize that what affects her, affects me in some way too? She is not the only one having to deal with this. Yes, she is delaing with it the most, but she acts like I don't have a care in the world. She resents the fact that I can still work. I'd rather be able to sit around more. As it is, I might have to get a second job.

I'm drowning, and for several reasons, I am not looking forward to this weekend. I hope I am wrong, but I don't think I'm going to be. Also, I'm cramping badly which is making me EXTRA cranky. If something goes down the way I think it might, I'm going to have a freak out. With loud cursing and possibly punching and hair-pulling.

I hate my birthday. I think I need to go back to not celebrating it. Something unpleasant usually happens on or around the day.

Comments

[goddessvicky.livejournal.com]

Me and you? Seriously. Is it possible for our PMS and depression cycles to sync over the computer? Because, if so, we're totally syncing.

Your birthday is not just to celebrate you getting older. Your birthday is celebrating the fact that you're awesome, and I'm so glad you were born in the first place. The world would be a much duller place without you and I know I wouldn't have as much fun if you weren't around.

I'm proud of you, and I know that may sound weird since we don't really KNOW each other, but you have a book published. Your name was printed on a printing press and people read your book. People enjoy your book. They get all your hard nights and the writers block and the hard work that went into it and they LIKE it. That's AMAZING.

You're such a strong person and sometimes I wish I could be as strong or as bold as you. You're an awesome, hip girl that I am *glad* is on this earth. Mother Nature put you here to raise some hell and make things brighter. And you do. You do that is so many different ways.

So celebrate your birthday because I am so glad that you've had another year of awesomeness.

I hope when you go out tonight that you have fun, and you will, because you have great friends who will MAKE you have fun. (Whether you want to or not)

[dream-mancer.livejournal.com]

Me and you? Seriously. Is it possible for our PMS and depression cycles to sync over the computer? Because, if so, we're totally syncing.

I think so. Check for me AND my friend Jenn to start PMSing to the extreme last night. Weird.

[goddessvicky.livejournal.com]

Gah! I need more guy friends! I'm not supposed to be PMSing! ::shakes fist::

[jo_anne_storm]

*is confused a bit* I have it in my calendar that the 30th is your birthday, but I seem to recall that it's today...

Basically, everything Vicky said. She said it so well, how can I complete?

I know you don't like doing the social thing, but have you thought about trying to find a cancer support group for both yourself and your mom? It might help if you're able to bitch to people who are going through the exact same thing, you know?

*hugs* I hope this weekend goes well. I sent you my cell number, so if you need a sympathetic ear over the birthday or any other angst, feel free to call.

[dharkapparition.livejournal.com]

Well happy birthday anyway since you are some much of the AWESOME

Not sure if you can take it, but black cohosh helped me with my monthly torture.

And hey! Only 6 more days to see the new pretty!

[dream-mancer.livejournal.com]

Happy Birthday. I'd send a card but you know I'm crap at snail-mailing things. I can try to send one, but it'll probably be late.

I'll send naked Neville over later, how about that?

[tsorriana.livejournal.com]

I'm glad you liked the flowers. I love the fall Daisey's as well. Dear, as for the bongwater crap that is going on in your life... Remember to check your sugars, to stop and smell the flowers, and that if you need to hide the bodies, to call on your Mammasis.

A little something to make you laugh...

Never mess in the affairs of a witch. For my dragon says you are crunchy and good with ketchup.

[emeraldswan.livejournal.com]

I tried to post this yesterday, but my wireless card decided it hated me. So. Happy Birthday.

{{hugs}}

[madannekidd.livejournal.com]

*hugs* Happy Birthday! I had it down for the 30th and it wasn't and, well, that sucks! But anyway, happy belated birthday! I'm glad that it seems from your voice posts that you're in much better spirits. So... I hope that you enjoyed your birthday.

Vicky said it so well. You're an awesome person and I've thought this since I found out about you and read your stuff and got to know you through your posts and all this other stuff. You're an awesome person that I'm glad to have known. You have this immense talent and despite the moments of bitchy rantings or all the other stuff (including PMS induced posts *grin*), we all can see that really you have this big heart. And it's what we love most about you.

So... even if this year and for awhile now there has been no christmas cards or CDs or whatever, I'm still wishing you as sincerely as I have all these years now, a happy birthday. Because you deserve to have it. Just to let you know, I've recently started re-reading the 4th Corner and some of your other original works and it blows my mind still that I am able to see/read the insight of the person who wrote them. It's amazing. You have touched a great number of people it seems both in real life and over the internet. And it's obvious why.

[spankerella.livejournal.com]

It is the 30th, but I wasn't going to be at work today or yesterday, so... not belated. Thank you.:)