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spankerellatitle: Other Other Pervert
series: Four Rooms of Requirement
author: echo
rating: PG-13
summary: Anya meets my version of Blaise Zabini. You do the math.
disclaimer: Not mine. Blaise is 'technically' JK Rowling's, so are the rest of the HP characters. Anya is Joss Whedon's.
note: This is the third of four promised ficlets as a result of a recent contest held on my livejournal.
shout:![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
nsahdmdto, one Anya and Blaise meeting.
*~*~*
Blaise sighed very loudly when he sat up. It seemed cold. Very cold. Perhaps a little damp too.
"Hi. there."
He sprung to his feet, grabbing for his wand... but it wasn't there. "Where in the hell is my..."
"Your wand? Yeah. Not there. Even if it was... it wouldn't work."
He glared at the woman before him. She was pretty. Not beautiful, but there was something exotic about her. Something almost otherworldly. Despite light brown hair and brown eyes that were far from extraordinary, there was an unusualness to her. Something unique.
"Who are you?" He glared at her some more as he noticed mist curling around the legs of his trousers.
"Like I was saying before you got all jumpy... hi there. Welcome to limbo."
"Huh?"
"I was led to believe you would be more articulate... Head Boy and all. There must have been a lot of dumb males in your year... not that that surprises me. Most males are highly moronic."
"On behalf of my sex... hey!"
"So what do you want to do while you are here?"
"Here?"
"Not at all smart." She said shaking her head.
"I'll have you know I am very clever, but you just can't say hello, welcome to limbo. What would you like to do first? A little explanation would be wonderful here."
"You are not in a position to order me about, little boy. You're the newly dead."
"I'm what?" Blaise said with an incredulous look. "And there's nothing little or boyish about me, thank you very much."
"Don't worry. You won't be here long. This is limbo, not a dead place."
"What's the difference?"
"People in limbo get to go back eventually."
"So I'm not... dead?"
"Oh no. You're dead. You just won't stay that way."
Blaise blinked. His legs seemed to fail him.
"Oh!" The woman shouted.
At the last minute a sofa appeared from nowhere under him. He sat heavily on it. The woman sat next to him.
"Look, don't worry. You won't really remember being dead." She patted his arm. "I'm Anya, by the way."
"Blaise. Blaise Zabini."
"Oh I know. I was sent to help you through your... experience here in limbo."
He looked at her. Upon further inspection, she was quite pretty.
"I was sent here to keep you busy until you... go back."
He wagged his eyebrows at her suggestively. "Busy? How?"
Anya glared. "Not like that."
"Like what?"
"Like you're thinking. I'm far too old for you."
Blaise scooted closer. "And if I like older women?"
"You're very pretty for a boy-"
"Man."
"YOUNG man, but I really am much too old for you."
Blaise made a very puppy dog face at her. He even batted those nice sooty lashes that no boy ought to have.
Anya sighed. "How about I teach you a few new sexual positions... clothes on."
"You? Teach ME something about sex? That's hysterical."
Anya tilted her head at him. "Oh?"
"You like to be on top, don't you?"
Anya snorted. "Fat lot you know."
Blaise blinked.
"Here... lay back. Let me show you something funny."
*~*~*~*
Someone was going to be late.
Not on his watch though. Sirius stomped through the mist to where Anya and her charge were supposed to be. He found them on the sofa.
"Anya, what in the hell are you doing?!"
She smiled from where she was under Blaise with one leg hooked around his shoulder. They were both fully clothed, but it just looked indecent. If they were nude, he'd have sworn there was sex going on here.
"We're having a practical conversation about sex with a demonstration."
"What?!"
"We were talking about different positions then it got into favorite positions. This is mine."
Despite his death, Sirius actually managed to blush. "It's time for Zabini to go. They've found him, and Professor Snape is banging on his chest telling him he will hex him if he dies as we speak."
Blaise jerked back with a hand to his chest. He sucked in a raspy breath.
Sirius nodded. "He's about to bang the air back into you. No pun intended."
Anya snickered.
"How long was I out? I mean, can they bring me back?"
"Just a few minutes."
"But-"
Anya put a hand over his mouth. "Time moves differently here."
He gasped again. His chest was starting to hurt. "I didn't know Snape cared."
"Shocking, isn't it?" Sirius said.
Blaise gasped again. His lungs were on fire now.
"Remember..." Anya said. "Never be jealous of a woman and her dildo."
Then she faded. He blinked. When Blaise came to... with everyone crowded over him... he was laughing.
Never be jealous of a woman and her dildo.
He'd hear her practical and matter-of-fact voice saying those words for the rest of his life. She'd said he'd forget. Like hell. He'd never known anyone who knew as much, if not more, about sex as he did. He sure as Salazar knew he'd never meet another who liked to discuss it in such candid terms again. She had known no embarrassment. She had known no boundaries.
*~*~*~*
"You all right?" Draco asked.
"I'm fine, princess."
Draco glared at him. Blaise had been acting funny since he'd nearly died during the fall of Voldemort a few months ago. It had happened right after the start of school in their seventh year. Blaise was Head Boy, but he wasn't taking advantage of it. A Slytherin not taking advantage. It was sickening. Blaise had been quiet... and almost pleasant since nearly dying. He did his work and kept to himself... almost like he had some sort of delicious secret that he refused to share. It was damned annoying.
Supposedly, they had a new Defense Against the Dark Arts professor. Finally. They'd lost the last one in the battle. Some of the other professors had been filling in until now. Blaise and Draco took their usual seats near the middle of the room.
Blaise was looking down when the new professor entered from her office and spoke.
"Hello, students. Welcome. I have never taught before. Well, not officially. I hope we'll have lots of fun."
"Fun?" Draco snapped. "This is Defense Against the Dark Arts."
Blaise was too busy staring at the professor and falling into lust all over again. "Leave her alone. She's mine."
Several students snickered. Some of them, like Head Girl Granger, gasped in shock.
"Zabini." Draco hissed out of the side of his mouth.
But Blaise was too busy undressing the professor with his eyes. He usually wasn't so blatant. Anya tilted her head to the side. Then she pretended she had not noticed what was so obviously going on. Blaise listened with half an ear as she outlined what would be studied for the remainder of the year.
When the class was dismissed, he lingered. Draco tried to get him to go, but he brushed the blonde off. He wanted to be alone with the image that had been nagging at the edge of his brain for months.
"So... going to teach me more things?"
Anya spun about and put her hands on her hips. "I don't know what you're talking about."
"Oh, I think you do."
She stared at him.
"Shall I shove you down onto your own desk, hook one of those gorgeous legs about my shoulder, and prove it?"
"Only if you wanna be hexed for sexual harassment, boyo."
He stepped closer. "I thought I told you I was no boy."
"You aren't supposed to remember any of that." Anya whispered.
"I was never much for 'supposed to'." He said with a devilish smirk.
"You have to go. I could lose my job."
"For what?"
"Hanky panky with a student."
"Hanky panky?" He was grinning.
Anya ground her teeth. He really was very pretty. Too pretty. And he knew it.
And he'd closed even more space between them. How was it in limbo she was so in control, but give her a human body again, and she fluttered about like she was a virgin about to get her first kiss?
"I have missed you... professor. Teach me more." He said in a husky tone.
Anya's knees went a bit weak. She had come back to help. To do work. Not to be seduced by a simply gorgeous boy-man.... who was just a wicked and orgasm-loving as she was.
Who was also currently inches from kissing her.
Anya slapped her fingers over his questing lips. Her own knuckles touched her lips because of his forward momentum.
"Not until you have the unique combination of being both eighteen and graduated... Mister Zabini."
He removed her hand and kissed it instead. "I can be patient."
He winked at her before he exited the class. Anya breathing a few deep breaths and held on to the edge of her desk with both hands. He was sort of sexy... and damned full of energy. That was a lot of orgasms. He could be patient? Could she?
When was the leaving feast again?
How soon until graduation?
She walked back to her office humming the tune to 'Mrs. Robinson'.
*~*~*
end ficlet
series: Four Rooms of Requirement
author: echo
rating: PG-13
summary: Anya meets my version of Blaise Zabini. You do the math.
disclaimer: Not mine. Blaise is 'technically' JK Rowling's, so are the rest of the HP characters. Anya is Joss Whedon's.
note: This is the third of four promised ficlets as a result of a recent contest held on my livejournal.
shout:
nsahdmdto, one Anya and Blaise meeting.*~*~*
Blaise sighed very loudly when he sat up. It seemed cold. Very cold. Perhaps a little damp too.
"Hi. there."
He sprung to his feet, grabbing for his wand... but it wasn't there. "Where in the hell is my..."
"Your wand? Yeah. Not there. Even if it was... it wouldn't work."
He glared at the woman before him. She was pretty. Not beautiful, but there was something exotic about her. Something almost otherworldly. Despite light brown hair and brown eyes that were far from extraordinary, there was an unusualness to her. Something unique.
"Who are you?" He glared at her some more as he noticed mist curling around the legs of his trousers.
"Like I was saying before you got all jumpy... hi there. Welcome to limbo."
"Huh?"
"I was led to believe you would be more articulate... Head Boy and all. There must have been a lot of dumb males in your year... not that that surprises me. Most males are highly moronic."
"On behalf of my sex... hey!"
"So what do you want to do while you are here?"
"Here?"
"Not at all smart." She said shaking her head.
"I'll have you know I am very clever, but you just can't say hello, welcome to limbo. What would you like to do first? A little explanation would be wonderful here."
"You are not in a position to order me about, little boy. You're the newly dead."
"I'm what?" Blaise said with an incredulous look. "And there's nothing little or boyish about me, thank you very much."
"Don't worry. You won't be here long. This is limbo, not a dead place."
"What's the difference?"
"People in limbo get to go back eventually."
"So I'm not... dead?"
"Oh no. You're dead. You just won't stay that way."
Blaise blinked. His legs seemed to fail him.
"Oh!" The woman shouted.
At the last minute a sofa appeared from nowhere under him. He sat heavily on it. The woman sat next to him.
"Look, don't worry. You won't really remember being dead." She patted his arm. "I'm Anya, by the way."
"Blaise. Blaise Zabini."
"Oh I know. I was sent to help you through your... experience here in limbo."
He looked at her. Upon further inspection, she was quite pretty.
"I was sent here to keep you busy until you... go back."
He wagged his eyebrows at her suggestively. "Busy? How?"
Anya glared. "Not like that."
"Like what?"
"Like you're thinking. I'm far too old for you."
Blaise scooted closer. "And if I like older women?"
"You're very pretty for a boy-"
"Man."
"YOUNG man, but I really am much too old for you."
Blaise made a very puppy dog face at her. He even batted those nice sooty lashes that no boy ought to have.
Anya sighed. "How about I teach you a few new sexual positions... clothes on."
"You? Teach ME something about sex? That's hysterical."
Anya tilted her head at him. "Oh?"
"You like to be on top, don't you?"
Anya snorted. "Fat lot you know."
Blaise blinked.
"Here... lay back. Let me show you something funny."
*~*~*~*
Someone was going to be late.
Not on his watch though. Sirius stomped through the mist to where Anya and her charge were supposed to be. He found them on the sofa.
"Anya, what in the hell are you doing?!"
She smiled from where she was under Blaise with one leg hooked around his shoulder. They were both fully clothed, but it just looked indecent. If they were nude, he'd have sworn there was sex going on here.
"We're having a practical conversation about sex with a demonstration."
"What?!"
"We were talking about different positions then it got into favorite positions. This is mine."
Despite his death, Sirius actually managed to blush. "It's time for Zabini to go. They've found him, and Professor Snape is banging on his chest telling him he will hex him if he dies as we speak."
Blaise jerked back with a hand to his chest. He sucked in a raspy breath.
Sirius nodded. "He's about to bang the air back into you. No pun intended."
Anya snickered.
"How long was I out? I mean, can they bring me back?"
"Just a few minutes."
"But-"
Anya put a hand over his mouth. "Time moves differently here."
He gasped again. His chest was starting to hurt. "I didn't know Snape cared."
"Shocking, isn't it?" Sirius said.
Blaise gasped again. His lungs were on fire now.
"Remember..." Anya said. "Never be jealous of a woman and her dildo."
Then she faded. He blinked. When Blaise came to... with everyone crowded over him... he was laughing.
Never be jealous of a woman and her dildo.
He'd hear her practical and matter-of-fact voice saying those words for the rest of his life. She'd said he'd forget. Like hell. He'd never known anyone who knew as much, if not more, about sex as he did. He sure as Salazar knew he'd never meet another who liked to discuss it in such candid terms again. She had known no embarrassment. She had known no boundaries.
*~*~*~*
"You all right?" Draco asked.
"I'm fine, princess."
Draco glared at him. Blaise had been acting funny since he'd nearly died during the fall of Voldemort a few months ago. It had happened right after the start of school in their seventh year. Blaise was Head Boy, but he wasn't taking advantage of it. A Slytherin not taking advantage. It was sickening. Blaise had been quiet... and almost pleasant since nearly dying. He did his work and kept to himself... almost like he had some sort of delicious secret that he refused to share. It was damned annoying.
Supposedly, they had a new Defense Against the Dark Arts professor. Finally. They'd lost the last one in the battle. Some of the other professors had been filling in until now. Blaise and Draco took their usual seats near the middle of the room.
Blaise was looking down when the new professor entered from her office and spoke.
"Hello, students. Welcome. I have never taught before. Well, not officially. I hope we'll have lots of fun."
"Fun?" Draco snapped. "This is Defense Against the Dark Arts."
Blaise was too busy staring at the professor and falling into lust all over again. "Leave her alone. She's mine."
Several students snickered. Some of them, like Head Girl Granger, gasped in shock.
"Zabini." Draco hissed out of the side of his mouth.
But Blaise was too busy undressing the professor with his eyes. He usually wasn't so blatant. Anya tilted her head to the side. Then she pretended she had not noticed what was so obviously going on. Blaise listened with half an ear as she outlined what would be studied for the remainder of the year.
When the class was dismissed, he lingered. Draco tried to get him to go, but he brushed the blonde off. He wanted to be alone with the image that had been nagging at the edge of his brain for months.
"So... going to teach me more things?"
Anya spun about and put her hands on her hips. "I don't know what you're talking about."
"Oh, I think you do."
She stared at him.
"Shall I shove you down onto your own desk, hook one of those gorgeous legs about my shoulder, and prove it?"
"Only if you wanna be hexed for sexual harassment, boyo."
He stepped closer. "I thought I told you I was no boy."
"You aren't supposed to remember any of that." Anya whispered.
"I was never much for 'supposed to'." He said with a devilish smirk.
"You have to go. I could lose my job."
"For what?"
"Hanky panky with a student."
"Hanky panky?" He was grinning.
Anya ground her teeth. He really was very pretty. Too pretty. And he knew it.
And he'd closed even more space between them. How was it in limbo she was so in control, but give her a human body again, and she fluttered about like she was a virgin about to get her first kiss?
"I have missed you... professor. Teach me more." He said in a husky tone.
Anya's knees went a bit weak. She had come back to help. To do work. Not to be seduced by a simply gorgeous boy-man.... who was just a wicked and orgasm-loving as she was.
Who was also currently inches from kissing her.
Anya slapped her fingers over his questing lips. Her own knuckles touched her lips because of his forward momentum.
"Not until you have the unique combination of being both eighteen and graduated... Mister Zabini."
He removed her hand and kissed it instead. "I can be patient."
He winked at her before he exited the class. Anya breathing a few deep breaths and held on to the edge of her desk with both hands. He was sort of sexy... and damned full of energy. That was a lot of orgasms. He could be patient? Could she?
When was the leaving feast again?
How soon until graduation?
She walked back to her office humming the tune to 'Mrs. Robinson'.
*~*~*
end ficlet
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
he he
Date: 2004-10-08 05:30 pm (UTC)"Never be jealous of a woman and her dildo."
Priceless. Another job well done, Miss E. I commend you.
-Jez
Re: he he
Date: 2004-10-08 07:47 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2004-10-08 08:59 pm (UTC)Those two - together! That is SO wrong. The world might never be the same again. It never occurred to me what lovely, grossly inappropriate conversations those two could have together. Marvelous. Simply marvelous!
no subject
Date: 2004-10-08 09:50 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2004-10-08 09:53 pm (UTC)I love how each of them has a certain amount of power on their home turf. But when one of them visits the other's...
...home advantage, Zabini!
I just love your Zabini, hon!
no subject
Date: 2004-10-09 01:07 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2004-10-11 03:07 pm (UTC)While I'm at it, I have to leave myself a note to remember not to read anything by echo at work. It's dangerous . . . my supervisors and coworkers know I'm insane, but I think I was scaring them after this one.