well... I suck

[spankerella]

Well, I just got the reformat and first editing suggestions on "In Shadowside" back. I feel like shit now. I think I'll go curl up somewhere and cry for a little while. I know I shouldn't take it so personally, but... who the hell did I ever think I was that I could do this? I know I don't suck. The person even said I don't suck, but I feel like I suck as writer right now. There are so many things that need to be "changed". Most of it I agree with. But a few things made me upset. Obviously. I so should not have read a serious critique of the closest work to me first thing when I woke up.

I really do need to excuse myself to go cry about it now. Sorry for being such a big baby.

eta: I know I'm being ridiculous. Utterly ridiculous. I can take my lumps. I'm not looking for an ego soothe here. I just picked the wrong time to try to take my lumps, is all. I get upset about things... and a lot of the upset has to do with uncertainty in other aspects of my life. Then the one thing I thought I could count on... I doubt that now. I'm not a fortress. I'll buck up and do what needs to be done though. Just not today. It's just hard not to doubt yourself when you read a whole long email about how wrong you've been doing things.

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Comments

[lunykimberly.livejournal.com]

echo you do *NOT* "suck". If you did you wouldn't have hordes of devoted minions willing and ready at a moment's notice to flame the hell out of twerps for plagiarizing you... and you wouldn't have twits crawling out of the woodwork stealing your work and claiming it as their own in the first place. You are an awesome writer and it carries over in every piece of work you create.

These editing suggestions you just got back for "In Shadowside"? Are exactly that. *Suggestions.* If you agree with them, use them. If you don't agree with them, don't and to hell with people if they can't accept your work as you want it to be. There are other publishers out there and other ways of getting your work out there. Worst case scenario, you go to someone else who can appreciate your vision. You have to keep true to yourself, no one else. You write your fanfics as you see them in your mind, sometimes taking ideas and suggestions from people you trust and sometimes not. You've got to take the same approach to your original work. If the suggestions go along with what you see and will help improve what you see, use them. If they go against what you see, don't use them. There are too many cookie-cutter writers out there now, you don't need to join their ranks. Unfortunately that will mean getting criticism now and then - but how many of the great writers out there *didn't* get criticized during their own time?

Let yourself have a good cry, give yourself a little "distance" from the story and the editing suggestions, go indulge in some comfort foods, read all your replies from your supporters to help boost your ego , and when you think you're ready - start slowly tackling the editing suggestions to one of your babies.

Stay true to yourself and your vision, to hell with everyone else who can't see it.