well... I suck

[spankerella]

Well, I just got the reformat and first editing suggestions on "In Shadowside" back. I feel like shit now. I think I'll go curl up somewhere and cry for a little while. I know I shouldn't take it so personally, but... who the hell did I ever think I was that I could do this? I know I don't suck. The person even said I don't suck, but I feel like I suck as writer right now. There are so many things that need to be "changed". Most of it I agree with. But a few things made me upset. Obviously. I so should not have read a serious critique of the closest work to me first thing when I woke up.

I really do need to excuse myself to go cry about it now. Sorry for being such a big baby.

eta: I know I'm being ridiculous. Utterly ridiculous. I can take my lumps. I'm not looking for an ego soothe here. I just picked the wrong time to try to take my lumps, is all. I get upset about things... and a lot of the upset has to do with uncertainty in other aspects of my life. Then the one thing I thought I could count on... I doubt that now. I'm not a fortress. I'll buck up and do what needs to be done though. Just not today. It's just hard not to doubt yourself when you read a whole long email about how wrong you've been doing things.

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Comments

[(Anonymous)]

I can only imagine how rough it is to have someone pick over your "baby" and tell you you've done it all wrong. I've not even gotten that far in the process. But I can imagine.

We write with so much of our souls - to have someone tell you it all needs changing - it's like having them tell you *you* need to change.

But the trush is, you don't need changing. My god, there are so many books out there in the world. I've read wonderful ones, and I've read crap ones. And you, my dear, are SO much better than the crap ones that I wonder how those pieces of tripe ever got published before you...

I know you said you didn't need any ego-stroking over this, but you do, in a way. Remember that they would never have brought you this far if they didn't see the potential in your work.

Go have a drink, maybe two. Wallow for a night. Eat something gooey or fattening or just bad for you. Then get up fresh and sit down and look at their suggestions. Take a salt shaker with you - cause I imagine more than a bit of it will take a grain of salt to swallow. Then see what suggestions you can use and which you can't without losing your own personal "flavor" in the work.

And if all else fails, we can start a running tally of who plans to buy Shadowside when it's published. Maybe some preliminary sales numbers will sway them to keep the "you" in the story.

And to paraphrase you, "we breathe to write" - it's not about selling books. It would be fantastic if we all could! It's a potential outcome, but it's not the sole purpose of what we all do.


Gem